Angry?

Before I started practicing Reiki, I realized that I was angry a lot. Yes, I could have blamed it on my bad experience at work, frustration caused by inability to find a different more suitable job or a dozen other different excuses. But I didn't; I blamed myself. In my world anger was evil, bringing hurt to everyone around me and it generally didn't serve me one bit.
I noticed how the anger would slowly creep up and take over my reactions. Too often I would struggle in the battle with it, wanting to stay in control and not let the anger out. I didn't want that poison in my veins. I wanted to be free..
After getting my first attunements, I set out on a journey. I was ready to let go of the anger and my old beliefs connected with it. I worked hard - Reiki self treatments, burning bowl ceremony, soul retrieval and some more Reiki treatments.
There was a shift, a big shift. I felt peace; ease; calm when I would expect a hurricane. On a deep level I felt free...

Then suddenly, after a few months of bliss, I snapped and felt horrible. I thought that I failed in my quest but then I read this:

           On the train to Brindavan a Swami sits beside a common man who asks him if indeed he has attained self-mastery, as the name "Swami" implies.

"I have," says the Swami. 

"And have you mastered anger?"

"I have."

 "Do you mean to say that you have mastered anger?"

"I have." 

"You mean you can control your anger?"

"I can." 

"And you do not feel anger?"

"I do not."

"Is this the truth Swami?"

"It is."

After a silence the man asks again, "Do you really feel that you have controlled your anger?" 

"I have told you," the Swami answers.

"then do you mean to say, you never feel anger, even-"

"You are going on and on - what do you want?" the Swami shouts.

"Are you a fool? When I have told you-"

"O, Swami, this is anger. You have not mas-"

   "Ah, but I have," the Swami interrupts. "have you not heard about the abused snake? Let me tell you the story.

On a path that went by a village in Bengal there lived a cobra who used to bite people on their way to worship at the temple there. As the incidents increased, everyone became fearful, and many refused to go to the temple. The Swami who was the master at the temple was aware of the problem and took it up on himself to put an end to it. Taking himself to where the snake dwelt, he used a mantram to call the snake to him and bring it into submission. The Swami then said to the snake that it is wrong to bite the people who walked along the path to worship and made him promise sincerely that he would never do it again. Soon it happened that the snake was seen by a passer-by upon the path and it made no move to bite. Then it became known that the snake had somehow been made passive, and people grew unafraid. It was not long before the village boys were dragging the poor snake along behind them as they ran laughing here and there. When the temple Swami passed that way again he called the snake to see if he had kept his promise -"...

"The snake humbly and miserably approached the Swami, who exclaimed, 'You are bleeding! Tell me how this has come to be.' The snake was near tears and blurted out that he had been abused ever since he was caused to make his promise to Swami. 'I told you not to bite,' said the Swami, 'but I did not tell you not to hiss!'"

~Rolling Thunder: a personal exploration into the

secret healing powers of an American Indian medicine man

By Doug Boyd

It is OK to hiss! So now and then I hiss without feeling guilty, without feeling like I am doing the worst thing in the world. The anger's role is to remind me of things that are happening around me and in me that are not in the alignment with who I am. It reminds me that I have to change things, set boundaries and state them not just to myself but to the whole world.